She;

Why must she go through problems almost every day of her life? Why must she go through them alone? Why must she close herself off from everyone and take all of that pain onto herself? 

I don't understand why life is so unfair to her. Her friends misunderstand her actions. Some leave her side for somebody else. Some take advantage of her kindness. Some make her cry. Why must she go through all these ordeals? She has the kindness of a saint and the smile of an angel. Her words can brighten up everyone's days while her actions make everyone feel special. She is the kindest of the kind. The truest of the true. The purest of the pure. The happiest of happy but she can also fall and be the saddest of sad. Why can't she just have everything she wishes? Why doesn't she have everything she deserves? Happiness everyday and all day from everyone around her? I can see it. There is a darkness that is slowly eating her up but she's hiding the pain. I'm scared for her. I never want to live to see the day when she stops smiling altogether... 

Please help her.

Too Dedicated?

I think NOT.

I feel as if I'm getting really really dedicated into leadership all of a sudden. Staying after school on a Friday just to make posters is definitely not something most teenagers enjoy doing but I had the urge to do something to help this school. I don't think I've ever been this dedicated to anything other than TKD, but that's a long time ago.  I feel happy that I've found something to be totally into again. In addition to getting things done and getting way ahead of the other grades for our rally, I'm glad I do this after school because I have my best friend with me the whole time. Not only are we using our time productively, I feel like it's a bonding experience with her. She gives me all the encouragement I need and keeps me going. Without her, I don't think I would be able to get any of that stuff done, like EVER.

Yay; I think life might just be getting better,..

(:

ohyeah;

btw? colors&paint makes me happy!

FirstTime;

I've felt proud of myself in the longest time. 

Today at Tae Kwon Do, my teacher decided to have a sparring tournament. 

Guess who got first place and kicked butt?(:

Yours truly; YAY!

My prize for winning other than my nun chuck keychain?

A swollen right foot; now I'm limping :D

woot.woot.

Cliché Much?

Suddenly; I feel the need to blog about words that sound cliché and way overused to me. Most of these words really mean nothing to me anymore:

- ILY

- I'm Sorry

- I Love You

- Love Ya

- I'll change

- You're different

- You're special

- You're beautiful

- I want you back

- I regret not... (fill in the blank)

especially when I hear them all coming from you.

HA!

Unspoken Words

"Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don't say."

I don't exactly know who wrote this quote but I can say for one thing that I can definitely relate to it. I found this quote and I realized that I absolutely HAD to write a blog on it. Whenever I say I'm fine, most of the times, I'm not. Nobody else can see this but you. You don't believe me and then you go and dig deeper for the truth. I'm really glad you do this actually. LOL. For some people, when I say I'm fine, they'll believe it or they'll just drop the topic but you don't do that. You're not the same as them. You've cared more for me than most of my relatives have in my 16 years combined and trust me, you definitely ARE family to me. I don't get why other people see you as anything less than amazing because seriously, either they're just incredibly WEIRD or they need to go get their eyes checked. You are the bestest best friend I've ever had and I don't get why other people would take you for granted and dislike you in any way. You make so many people smile, you make my day, & I KNOW that you're going to make our Junior Class amazing
[btw: VOTE SCHAICH for junior class PRESIDENT guys!]
You make classes seem less boring, you start conversations like nothing, and you bring your energy and hyperness with you everywhere,. WHY is that a bad thing? Why don't people see you like that? Why do they have to cause such immature drama for you? I don't get it.
Okay, definitely getting off topic. LOL.
Basically, I just want to say a final note:
Thank You for listening to my unsaid words when nobody else was listening.
That's what matters to me most of all.
You deserve to smile girl, so SMILE through everything you go through in life, whether it's good or bad.
I'll be right beside you smiling with you.
This I WILL make sure of.

I'm So Ready

for 

Summer '09

Bring It On Babyyy!

So ready to suntan and sunburn

So ready to find a new somebody

So ready to get to know people

So ready to block people out of my life (this is nicer than it sounds)

So ready to hang out with my best friend and make new memories!

So ready to chill with Kelsey and find ourselves (Fill in the Blank)

So ready for so much, oh so much!

Boo You;

Why do you have to act like a complete jerk in front of them and then transform into a completely different person when talking to me? You tell me that I don't "try" but seriously why bother sometimes? Why try when the other person is completely ignoring you at school and then go accusing you of being mad at them when you get home? Why talk to me on iChat and then argue with me in person? Why go bragging about your life when you know I don't care? Is it for attention or did you expect me to go berzerk on you out of jealousy? UH, yeah, not going to happen buddy. Go ahead and move on but seriously, did you have to go to my best friend out of all the people in the world? If you have something to say, why not just say it to my face instead of playing telephone with everybody? Because seriously, 

Gossip Involves The Act Of Twisting/Turning Of Stories Until They're Far From True;;

Just thought you should know this.

Only;

2 more years. 

Only 2 more years of keeping up these grades, two more years of incredibly horrible expectations. It seems to ridiculous sometimes how everything in my life is just based on simple letters, wait, no A letter and it's symbols like a + or a -. Everything depends on this letter, everything revolves around that letter. I get so sick of it all sometimes, like I'm tired of keeping up this good student streak, but I guess that's the way I've been brought up. If you didn't know my family, you wouldn't understand how bad this matters to them...But then again, in 2 years, this isn't about to end either..there's still college. I guess I'm just trying to convince myself that it's all almost over for now,. 

haha wow, I'm horrible  at convincing myself.

._.

why

Is it that after sixteen years into my life, you both still don't trust me. Why is it that every word that comes out of my mouth sounds like a lie to your ears? Am I really not supposed to be trusted? Have I ever done so bad that my words shouldn't be trusted at all? If I did, then okay; I guess I deserved this. But if not, this is pretty sad. You can't even trust your own daughter...

past.present.future.

I have a new hobby. Every time I'm bored or have nothing to do, I tend to go onto blogger and read through my old blogs from days, weeks, months ago. It's funny to read and picture myself from, let's say, 2 months ago. I really thought I was happy and content with my life, yet I barely blogged about any of it. I only blogged about the negative stuff going on through my life at that time, nothing too positive at all. That's pretty weird because I was pretty darn sure that I was happy. LOL. Well, I guess we'll never know right? I can't go back two months and neither can I go 'forward' two months, although that sounds like a pretty good plan to me!(:

If only we could control the hands of time right?

If only,..

It's My Fault

that all of this has happened. I'm an over dramatic drama queen & I only have one excuse to use to explain my behavior & even that excuse is not acceptable. I don't have an alibi that's acceptable enough and I'm very sorry to those I've affected with my immatureness. I know I've been acting like a spoiled little girl when she doesn't get what she wants and trust me, I really want to change. I really do. And I will. I can't say that things will be the same as before. I can't promise you anything more than that but I will try my best to leave things "normal" again before we all disappear for summer vacation. 

biggest regret;

Was not that I did not try but it was that I did; I guess.
I shouldn’t have said anything, not a single word.
I don’t know why I decided to let it all out when I should have kept it hidden deep, deep inside.
What if I did? What if we never talked about it? What if we never tried again? Would I have been happier? Would I be having this argument with myself right now? Would I be feeling like such an idiot at this moment? Gosh;
I feel like I’m being a jerk right now for saying all of this but I don’t know what else to do. I already finished venting to both of my best friends and yet I still have things that are unsaid and unwritten so I had to let them down somewhere. I hope you don’t take this to directly; I doubt you’ll even see this. IF by any chance you do,
I'm sorry

and oh yeah;;

If one day I start to matter, please let me know. (:

Bad Timing or What?

Is it just bad timing or is it just things weren’t meant to be?
Not just with me and you but with her and him,.and them and them,. why does the timing always have to be off?,. and if not just the timing, then I guess thing’s just aren’t supposed to be how we think they are supposed to be. I had faith in us when nobody else did but I guess that doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s not the amount of faith put into something that will work miracles, but instead the works of destiny. Well now that we all know what’s up,. I guess it’s finally time to go on with our lives. We tried, we both did and every time one person tried, the other person didn’t want to. Haha. Ironic right? Well I guess I can’t do anything else but agree with what you said: “Why keep trying” right? Nothing good will come out of it, and one of us will always end up hurt anyways.
Yeah,. you’re definitely right.
(:

Online Quizzes

crack me up & made my day today!

Kept me & my 2 best friends busy all fourth period.

(WHOSE teacher accused us of lying &faking our excuse out of class)

what the heck?

jeez,. OKAYy, but as I was saying,

I like things that make me laugh :D

yay me.

Returning&NOT liking,.

Let's just say that 8th grade just wasn't my best year.

I had few good days but many bad ones. I had friends with problems, some small but most, big ones,. the ones where you couldn't do anything to help. I cried for my friends but then later learned that, crying didn't help them either. That was the year that I first went to that dark, dark place in the back of my mind and went through some bad days. After entering high school, I changed into a whole new person, a happier, more positive person. But lately, so much has been going on and I'm scared. I give into peer pressure quite easily so I fall pretty fast& hard. I tend to make stupid choices and then live with the consequences,. I say stupid things & can't take them back,. &sometimes I don't do anything except sit in one corner &stare off into space. I'm just scared of going back to that dark place. I don't want to be consumed by the darkness and not be able to see anymore. I want to stay in the light, with everyone I love,. not push them all away because of my own selfishness.

¿ayudame?

¿por favor?

Problems Shproblems

Each time you fall, you only grow stronger. 

Each time you get disappointed only means next time, you'll be amazed.

This time might have not worked out how we all wished it and I'm very sorry 

but I know that you will grow from experience,

you will cherish what you have 

you will bring along the memories

you will learn from the past

& you will move on.

Don't be down about this for too long,.

Because;;

Think About it.

At least you gave it your all this time right?

You did nothing wrong

I'm very proud of you,.

& Boy, you deserve to be happy.

YES YOU DO.

Lately, it seems like I am not able to say the right things anymore.

I've ended up saying the wrong words and only cause people more pain than they already are in. I don't know what they want to hear so everything just comes out totally wrong and I can't take back those words. I wish I could but in reality, I can't. Sadly, it's me I blame and no one else. I don't know what to say to make  people happy anymore because sometimes it feels like I have to lie to them & I don't like lying so I am blunt about what I say now;; but as soon as I say what's on my mind, I regret and want to take those words back because I never thought about the aftermath of my ignorance.

Why?

justfriends?

Why is it that we can't even remain just that without having problems?

I thought that it was for the best.

I believed that everything would work out.

I thought it was going to be just like how it was back then.

I guess I forgot the fact that we used to fight&argue every single week back then.

I guess I forgot how we can fight over anything and pretty much, everything.

I guess I forgot way too much.

I guess I was expecting a bit too much out of you.

Sorry.

I won't expect anything anymore.

I'll just go with the flow from now on.

Are you happy now?

Fresh New Start

I think you just gave me a whole new meaning to the word: "forgiveness." 

Like seriously, I never thought I'd be so grateful to the word and so grateful to the fact that people in the world forgive one another even after something unpardonable happens between the two of them. 

Only the people with the biggest and kindest hearts can find it somewhere in them to forgive a friend who has made a mistake. 

Only a real friend could look past all odds and still forgive. 

Forgiveness is not only a virtue because

 it takes a lot to trust someone but SO much more to forgive them after they lose your trust. 

I'm just incredibly grateful there is a word that has such a strong meaning & definition to it.

Thank You.

Some "welcome back"

I guess I kinda expected too much coming from you guys. I should've guessed that this was going to happen after one month. I barely walked through the entrance and I already hear: "I forgot you guys existed." I mean,. WHAT THE HECK? I was hoping just to hear a simple "Hello" or something. I wasn't even expecting a hug or a smile or anything of that sort;; Just a "HI" and I couldn't even get that much. You guys whom I considered really good friends, of all people, turn out to disappoint me more than I ever thought possible. Why is that? Is it because I'm a girl? Is it because I'm not as good as you in everything I do? Is it because you suddenly joined the "cool" group? Why? I don't really know, and right now, I don't think I could care any less. I am just utterly disappointed in my "friends" right now. I guess you really can't get too close to the kids at this place...

Thanks guys,

Thanks.

Take me away..

For the last week, one of my friends recommended a Korean drama for me to watch when I get bored. Once I started the first episode, I immediately took the bait and I hooked, lined, sinker in love with this movie. The thing I love about dramas are that they associate reality with fantasy. Although their problems never seem to end, their hope never ceases to exist either. This is the place where there are TWO Prince Charmings, four knights in shining armor, and of course an evil witch. Asian dramas amuse me to no end because they can make you laugh until you're rolling on the floor or move you to tears due to their dramatic climaxes. If I could have one wish, I would wish to be in a drama because although the protagonist has to go through all these obstacles, they tend to end up with a happy ending,. with everything falling into place,..