It's kind of scary

how one minute, you have everything and everyone you want in your life

Everything is as perfect as can be.

& the next minute, everything and everyone is gone

You basically just lost everything important to you and 

it's time to start all over again.

It's kind of scary to think about it that way but I guess, just as I had mentioned

in a previous blog,

nothing lasts forever?

Lo Siento,.

Lo Siento,.

Xin Loi,.

Pesaroso

유감스러운

残念

Spiacente

Désolé

So many different ways to say it,.

But with only one translation

I'm sorry.

What is so special with these 2 words? Why should we forgive people when they say these 2 simple words? Why should anyone get away with anything when they say this? Why should we rethink our decision when we hear these 2 words? 

&&most importantly,.

What are these 2 words worth without action?

absolutely nothing.

let's say

HOT much? This heat is getting to my head&about to make me go insane. It's so weird how global warming can affect our world so much and screw up the temperature so easily. Thinking a few years back, I can't exactly recall our spring weather to be this hot. It used to be so nice and cool, NOTHING like what it has been for the last couple of days. Even more freaky, the temperature is about to drop around 20 degrees. Is that supposed to be considered "NORMAL" nowadays in our world? Because to tell you the truth, that's just really creepy and just abnormal to me.

Back On My Feet

You tell me. 

There's a good side to everything bad right?

Not everything will stay this way forever right?

If it seems like the end of the world now,. will it be right tomorrow?

If everything is dark right now, will it be bright again tomorrow?

but most importantly,.

If it's raining right now, will it be clear tomorrow?

The End?

A good friend once told me that there's a beginning, middle, and end to everything in life. 

I remember that our talk started out because I was asking him about his brother's relationship and he didn't really tell me a story. He just told me that it included a beginning, middle, and end and that line from him stuck with me until today. It makes me sad to say that it's totally true. Everything in life begins and ends but sometimes an ending is just a cover up for a new beginning. Life goes on and it doesn't slow down for anyone so if something is not meant to be, there's no use trying to hold onto it. 

It'll just leave you sooner or later.

Let's start over!

I just read over all my blogs from the very beginning of the school year up until now & not only was I saddened & reminiscent,  I was also confused&lost at the same time,. You would think that the writer would remember what was going on in their life on a certain time, day, month, and year, but seriously, while reading some of my old blogs,. I couldn't recall what I was trying to say or what I was talking about. It felt weird but it seemed as if my mind didn't WANT to remember certain things in my life? 

Or,. my memory's just fading away more&more everyday. 

While some blogs confused me, however, some made me sad to read over. 

HAHA,. 

especially the blogs I wrote about Camp Campbell and my "first love." 

Those made me think of the past and miss the good ol' days at camp with all those kids& it made me think of the guy who was the main character in my first love blog, who is now just simply a good friend,.(:

It made me realize how much has changed since I've written all my blogs at the beginning of sophomore year, how much the people in my blogs have changed, and especially how much I've changed.

I bet you all have,.

thought into your future, whether it's about family, relationships, college, career, etc. 

Ever imagine what life would be like if something were to screw up & go completely wrong?

What would you do if one of those things were to not work out?

What would you do for the rest of you life?

The list goes on and on but have you ever felt so uncertain about something to the point that you avoid the topic as much as possible? You know the possible outcomes, yet you still go along with it, hoping that the worst of the worst won't happen, trusting yourself, trusting your decision, trusting your heart. 

But if the worst WERE to happen, and you saw it coming, would it still be as bad when it actually does happens?

I know this probably sounds confusing right now, but it's something I just had to vent.

sorry.

(:

If I were to,.

choose a new place to move to, I would probably choose someplace with a nice beach.

I love the cool air, the salty environment, the warm sand, the cold water, basically every

little thing on the beach, MINUS the crazy seagulls,.

I just love the feeling of peace when I lay on a blanket on top of the sand, listening to other kids play with their families and hearing the waves hit the shore.

To me, those are probably the most soothing noises in the world

The sounds of nature that will lull me to sleep every single time.

SpringBreak

has been fun, but at the same time, not so much fun. I don't know if that makes sense but there are days where I'll wake up happy, and days where I'll wake up unhappy with everything. I am enjoying the fact that I don't have to wake up everyday and go to school but I can't seem to relax, even when I'm far, far away from the city. A friend told me yesterday that I need to relax some time in my life & my answer to him was that I can't. I would if I could and I probably should, but I won't be able to relax and just go with the flow & just be happy with life until I reach an age where I have everything I want and everyone around me is happy.

I have no idea how long it will be until that day but I guess, I'm willing to wait and find out.

How the topic changed from spring break to happiness, I have NO idea,.

(:

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:|

Your friendship scares me
Your closeness scares me
Your memories scares me
Your history scares me
Your conversations scare me
Your constant talks scares me
Your nicknames scare me
Everything about this I want to get used to
Everything about this I want to get over

B
U
T

Everything about this makes me over think
Everything about this makes me worry
Every little thing makes me scared

because they're all with,..



h
e
r
.

I'm learning

from Amy, the expert, how to be ambiguous.
It's so hard.
Saying one thing and keep people guessing for hours;
Keep em on their toes;
HAHA,..I'm not so good at this but,..

That's my new goal this year
:D

Will

- she forget all the memories we shared?
- he, one day realize that he made the wrong decision?
- she ever realize how much she means to me?
- they, one day feel disappointed in me?
- he ever know how much I need him?
- she, one day, take him away from me?
- she ever find one boy for her? (inside joke)
- he ever treat me like the princess I want to be?
- they ever let me go free?
- he ever get a girl?
- she ever forget about him?
- he ever know how much I love hugging him?
- they ever win the cup? (just because Amy told me to put this)
- I ever meet those guys?
- we actually last?
- he ever tell me the truth?


try to figure out who/what these are all about (only me&amy know)
(:

Why do they say it's easy?

Is high school supposed to be easy? Because that's what my parents think. They complain about me staying up late every night and they tell me that I'm going to crash and burn one day, not too far from now because of my lack of sleep. I know that I need to sleep to function and I do admit that I haven't gotten my required amount of hours every night but I really cannot help it. Either I'm doing homework or I'm talking to someone on the phone with their problems. I can't help but care about my friends so I can't just leave them to deal with their own problems by themselves. Homework seems to be piling up more and more everyday so I tend to stay up later and later every night. That's normal and should be expected right? My parents are so used to seeing me sleep at 9 or 10 back in freshman year that they believe that I'm just messing around at night, blowing off homework. I do occassionally, if lucky, get a chance to take naps, but my parents still think I can get at least 1o hours every night. To me, that's impossible, or at least it is until spring break or something. Thank goodness for spring break. I really cannot wait for that so I can catch up on my sleep again.

wow, totally getting off topic now.

my bad.

:P

Make-up work

YAY. Loads of F-U-N right?
No, not really. I guess this is what I get for going to DCON and having fun for the weekend though...coming back to a bunch of essays and projects and worksheets. Oh yeah. Totally should've seen that coming,..I can have fun for a limited amount of time and escape from all this school stuff, but once I return, the work come flying at me at top speed and they all just happen to be due right before spring break. Yeahp, perfect.
haha.
I'm done venting here.
Time to go back to homework.
wootwoot(:

Dear Me,

I don't think I know you all that well. Like seriously, I wish I knew how your brain worked and what you really think of this world. I feel like I don't know myself at all and I really want to know the REAL me, the one that has nothing to hide. I wish you weren't so insecure about every single little thing in this world. I wish you would start believing in yourself more often, or just in general. I hope you would just stop hiding yourself from me and tell me what you really want in life. I hope that you'll just come out from wherever you are soon enough and show me who you really are. On that day, I will finally truly be myself truthfully say I found myself. I really do hope that, that day will come soon.


Love,
Myself.

District convention

DCON [2009] for short.

Spirit competitions after one another
Screaming, shouting, dancing in every corner
Fighting to get on the elevators
Pushing and stepping on everyone's feet
Loads and loads of fun
A bajillion unforgettable memories
& last but not least,
Three thousand crazy kids packed in one room.

try and imagine that
I dare you.