one in this world...

I don’t know how exactly, to describe this feeling that often comes to me. I remember that the first time I’ve ever felt so alone in this world was during preschool. I don’t know where the feeling came from but it just came to me while I was laying on the swings on my tummy. Back and forth, back and forth. While I was swinging back and forth, I suddenly felt all alone in this world, like no one else was around me. It was such a scary feeling and I remember how it felt like I was in this dark dark world where there was only me. One person in this world. I often get this feeling every now and then but I can’t recall having this scary feeling for the last few weeks. Today, out of nowhere, while sitting in Leadership, this feeling came back to me. Although I was surrounded by 20-30 people in that small room, I felt scared and alone. I don’t know why but it totally scared me. I don’t like that feeling because in a way, I see it as a sign. A sign that I’m bound to be alone in this life, one way or another. I don’t know how and I don’t know why but I carry that constant fear around with me all the time.
That’s why
I hate to be alone.